Reports of my disappearance have been greatly exaggerated

Holy schikeys! Has it REALLY been over a MONTH since I last posted on this thing?? Wow. The three or two people who might actually READ this are probably pretty pissed off at me right about now. My most humble apologies for my extended absence. So much has happened; so many things have changed . . .

First, as I mentioned in my last (very long ago) post, I finally got a new job, working in the field for which I am trained. I worried at first that just the act of getting a new job might not be enough. That I'd likely killed off so many brain cells during my two year stint in Hell that I may never recover. Worse yet, I didn't fully trust myself to adequately perform the very duties I wanted so desperately to do again. As it turns out, my worries were wasted energy.

I'm happy to report that my "renewed" career in the graphic arts/printing industry is going quite well. I've discovered that, much like falling off a bike, one never completely forgets everything they knew. I've been pleasantly surprised at the speed with which many of my skills have come back to me. That said, when I started this job, it was with the understanding that the person I would eventually be replacing would be there through the fall to train me. This was a great comfort to me, as I felt it would give me adequate time to get my feet under me, as well as give me a full & complete understanding of exactly what was expected of me with this company - not to mention give me enough training that I wouldn't be so worried about costing the company money while I learned on the job.

Well, because it's me (and I DO tend to have a cynical streak), I probably should have known going in that these plans were likely to change. However, I wasn't quite prepared for just how SOON they'd change. I was there for about a week when my "trainer" started asking me how I felt things were going, how I felt about the job, etc. - all fairly innocent questions, I thought. I answered with just about the right amount of enthusiasm that I felt things were going fairly well & I was enjoying what I was doing - at which time she informed me that it was a good thing, because she'd just given her two weeks' notice. Long story short - I became THE graphic artist on staff about three months sooner than originally planned. This hasn't been a bad thing - on the contrary, it's forced me to get out of my comfort zone and, oh, I don't know, GROW UP a little!! Hell, I AM 40, after all - it's probably about TIME I had a grown-up, responsible job. At least, I'm sure that's what my mom would say.

I'm not sure who's happier about my career change - me or my husband. As he put it, just getting away from "Chicken Little" was like getting a raise. I know he's likely been very relieved to not have to hear me bitch & moan about her every day when I get home. Plus, I feel as though I'm actually USING my brain for a change. Welcome back, brain cells!! I missed you guys!!

I've been seriously behind in reading all my usual blogs. I've ACTUALLY had to (GASP!!) communicate with people IN PERSON!! Oh, the inhumanity!! For example, I had to find out IN PERSON that #1 Dancer is expecting her very own bundle of joy. I couldn't be happier for her!! Holly, if you haven't completely given up on me & are reading this (having recovered from the shock of a new post, of course), congratulations to you & Husband!!! I can't wait to see the loveliness that is produced by the two of you! But if you want me to babysit, you'll have to bring the kid to me. You just live WAY too far out there, man! ;-)

So as not to disappoint my fan, I'll close with an observation of human condition. Why is it that most fast food establishments feel the need to interrupt you in the middle of placing your drive through/drive up order? Hey, I understand they get their share of stupid people. That's a given. But c'mon, man - give me a CHANCE to finish my order before you ask me if I want cheese on that! Perhaps if you spent LESS time interrupting me & asking what I want, you'll actually get my order RIGHT for a change! But, of course, you can't say anything like that when PLACING your order, or you'll get "sneeze bun". But mark my words - the next time you give me lime diet Coke instead of vanilla diet Coke (because they obviously sound SO much alike!), I'm payin' you in PENNIES!!

Hey, I'm a bad ass. Don't ever forget that.

Going, going . . . .GONE!!!

Well, here we are, boys & girls - my last day in the place we call "Hell". As I mentioned in my last post, I have been hired as a graphic designer with a local printing company & start my new job on Monday (no rest for the broke!). To say I'm happy about it is the understatement of the century! Why? Well - allow me to elaborate a bit.

If you've read any of my profile (and c'mon - admit it - you know you have!), you know that I currently work for a "Large Retail Craft Store" in their corporate office. I took this job two years ago because A) I'd been out of work for almost a year at that point & needed a paycheck and B) I thought I could just post out to a different department within a few months of being there & be back in my chosen/trained profession. Little did I know, however, that my last day with the company would be in the same shit-hole department where I started.

See, the thing is, I had fairly high hopes for this job when I first started. Sure, I knew I wouldn't be doing the type of work I'm trained to do, but I thought it might at LEAST be interesting, considering the type of company & the type of products I'd be dealing with. Turns out, there are a LOT of extremely boring, mind numbing positions in a corporate office - and mine is at the bottom of the food chain, but the top of the boring scale.

All of this might be somewhat tolerable (given that each of us has our fair share of downtime, which allows for a lot of surfing time) - if it weren't for my micro-managing, overbearing immediate supervisor. I believe I alluded to her idiocy in earlier posts, so I won't insult your intelligence by repeating it here. Suffice it to say, I've reached my limit on being treated like an idiot by someone who hasn't yet figured out that a "reply all" email means we ALL got it & it's not necessary to forward it to the same group - NOR is it necessary to come and TELL me I got an email!

But I digress . . .

I don't know what I'm more excited about - starting my new job, ending this one, or being able to drink at lunch today with no guilt. ;-)

SHE'S ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!

Miracle of miracles - I made it through March alive! So much has happened since I last wrote. I'll try to give a brief update here - and hope I don't forget anything:

1. My quartet competed last weekend & out of 21 competitors, we placed 7th overall. No medals for this "honor" - but we were pleased with the placement for our first time out. Hopefully, next year will bring us new bling!
   
2. Got to spend last weekend with my son, who soaked up all the barbershop harmony he could handle - and didn't complain once. In spite of the fact that he's spent his whole life around it, most kids would whine just a little - but he never uttered a peep. Probably had something to do with the fact that I let him hang out with me & my friends in the bar on Saturday nite until almost 4am (and no, he didn't drink anything - although, I'm sure his father would have a few choice words for me & how I'm "corrupting our son"; don't get me started). He also just got his new "mouth hardware" - braces for the next two years. He's handling it like such a trooper! I'm so proud of him!!
   
3. Most importantly - I GOT A NEW JOB!!! I'll finally be able to get back into graphic design, which is where my training is - not to mention my soul. I'll leave this hell hole next Friday & start my new job the following Monday. To say I'm relieved is an understatement!! NO MORE MICRO MANAGEMENT FROM ATILA THE HUN!!! I'm so happy, I could shit.
   
4. Started my new workout routine yesterday. So far, so good. I have high hopes of sticking with this - especially since I'm paying for it. The newest thing for me with this is actually working with a trainer. I'm hoping that, in itself, will help keep me on the right track. Their goal for me is to lose about 25% of my current body fat & roughly 57 lbs. I could probably stand to lose more, but with those two combined, I have high hopes of it looking like a bigger loss (I'm built weird, so most people don't know how much I truly weigh, including my husband - which is how I plan to keep it). If I can just start feeling better, less tired & have more energy & stamina, MY goals will be reached. I'll keep you posted on the progress!

That pretty much brings things up to speed since last week. I know - not the most stimulating of stories, but hey - nobody ever accused me of being flamboyant (much). Hopefully, my stories from here on out will have a happier, more satisfied tone to them. Any & all encouragement with regard to my new workout regimen is greatly appreciated! I know there are more 30 to 40-somethings out there in the same situation - so I'd love to hear from you!

Proof of my whereabouts

I mentioned last week (crikey, has it already been a WEEK!?) that this is contest season. This year, I'm competing for the first time with my new quartet & we've been doing a "tour" of other choruses the last couple of weeks, just to get a feel for what an audience will feel like, see how our adrenalin will affect us, etc. It has proved a MOST helpful tool!!

For those of you who aren't bored by this yet, here's what I do in my "other" life.

Presenting . . .

I have an mp3 file that I want to load here to share a sound byte - but I don't know how to get it to work. If anyone can help me with that, I'd appreciate the help - and will post the recording shortly thereafter.

I'm off to attend a kick-off party for yet another contest . . . and can't guarantee that there will be a post next week, as I'll only be working three days. But I promise to keep you updated on how we do next week!

Parental guidance suggested

Pardon my lack of posting over the last few days. It's contest season, so I've been a tad preoccupied - and this is just a warning that it'll only get worse in the next couple of weeks. So if you're a loyal reader - I thank you & request your patience & understanding until my life gets back to some sense of normalcy. Whatever THAT is.

Now - with that out of the way. . . .

There's a trend out there in the world today (mostly among pre-teen & teen girls) that I just don't understand. Back in MY day (and I like to think my day wasn't that long ago) - and even now - if I owned a pair of pants that were rather snug on me, my mother would not THINK of letting me out of the house wearing said pants, much less an accompanying top that was equally too small - not to mention too short. Nor would my mother let me leave the house with my fat rolls prominently displayed through my too tight, too short, thin fabric, leave-nothing-to-the-imagination t-shirt (which I wouldn't have been allowed to own in the first place). Of course, her permission really would never have come into question, since I never would have allowed mySELF to go out there looking like that, for fear of public ridicule (yes - I have issues).

However, the trend I'm noticing among young girls today (roughly ages 12-17) is, I'm told, called the "muffin top". During my shopping excursion today - in a location brimming over with young girls & their mothers celebrating spring break with a shopping spree - I saw a disturbingly large number of girls displaying this latest look. "Rubinesque" figures, wearing low rise jeans two sizes too small, topped with a t-shirt made of some of the cheapest, thinnest fabric in existence, also two sizes too small. Underneath said t-shirt, these girls' spare tires are flopping about, some peeking out from under their t-shirts for all to see (which really wasn't necessary, since the shirt was so tight, you could make out every dimple & large navel in the immediate vicinity). It's no wonder I nearly lost my lunch.

Who told these girls that this was an attractive look? Do the mothers of tween/teen girls no longer teach the glories of holding in one's stomach? Do they not own a MIRROR or have a FRIEND, for God's sake?!?

To be honest - I'm a little torn about how to react to this questionable fashion statement. On the one hand, I applaud these girls for having the self-confidence & apparently high self esteem to dress this way in public. Had I been even half that brave at that age, perhaps I wouldn't have self-esteem/body confidence issues today. Bravo! Good for you! I'm happy to know you don't care about people like me who are judging every thread of clothing on your back & are, instead, making your own statement & being your own person. You go, girl! On the OTHER hand (where I have different fingers), however, there IS something to be said for just plain caring about how you look and putting your best foot forward. If these are the wardrobing skills you have NOW, what does this say for your future closet and the future of our office dress codes?? Does this mean that, in 10 years, "Casual Friday" will include Hooter's girls uniforms?? At the BANK?!?

Probably the most disturbing thing to me about this trend is the fact that the mothers of today's tween/teen girls are MY generation! This means the girls who once wore their bras outside their clothes, ponytails coming out one side of their heads, accompanied by the doo doo roll bangs hairsprayed into just the right angle that kept it from touching their foreheads, red leg warmers over purple leggings, t-shirts that had been "tailored" with the nearest pair of scissors, and makeup . . . that . . .would . . . .um . . . .

Wait . . . I think I get it now.

To the youth of today:

Ok – we admit it. We, your parents, are desperately clinging to our youth. In fact, many of us feel as though we’ve never left our youth behind, but have remained the same age & gained many years of wisdom since graduation.

It may seem to you we, the parents of today, are just square, boring, fun-sucking beings placed on this early solely to make your lives miserable. Trust me when I tell you – as much as we love you, there are many times the feeling is mutual (for which OUR parents are rejoicing). However, what you may not realize is that we are not SO far removed from our youth that we have forgotten what it was like to be your age. So here’s a few words of advice that would be beneficial for you to remember as you go forth into adulthood: The phrase “Don’t lie to me!” does not necessarily mean we want to know EVERYthing.

For example – when it comes to knowing the details of your homework habits, how you’re doing in school, what your report card grades are, etc. – don’t lie. Just own it & tell the truth. Trust us – the consequences will be far more lenient than if you lied. On the flip side – when we accidentally walk in on you in the bathroom & catch you having some “personal time” – and then ask you later what you were doing (for reasons we still don’t understand) – lie to us & give us the standard, “Nothing”. Trust us – this answer worked miracles for US when we were your age & complete disclosure of these details is not necessary. Much like hearing one’s parents having sex – we just don’t want to know that actually goes on.

Stay tuned for the next edition of “Stuff We’re Still Cool Enough to Tell You” when we delve into the topic, “That’s Why God Created Napkins”.

This edition brought to you by the letters R and T , the color blue and the number 1.

Monday, Monday . . .

Random thoughts to start your week:

• Watched the Oscars. Nothing terribly stellar, in my opinion - although, I've already accurately called one of the entries on today's GFY. Whoops! Nope - make that two!! Damn, I'm good!
  
• Witnessed the end today of the first blog I ever read. I won't give the link here - but I might give it here. I just gotta say - while I have since read much more interesting blogs, it's always kinda sad to me to see the end of something that got me started on another "path", so to speak. Plus, now I won't feel quite so . . . in the loop. As much.
  
• Breathing through two nostrils is NOT overrated. And I miss it. Not to mention the inability to do so is making me VERY tired. Neither of which I need during contest season.
  
• As Mondays go, this one hasn't been too bad - mostly because Chicken Little (a.k.a. my boss) isn't here today. Almost was - then decided not to come in. Awww . . . howEVER will we all SURVIVE if she's not HERE?? On top of THAT news, our taxes were completed over the weekend & we're getting a nice, decent sized refund. Yay us!! Couldn't come at a better time!
  
• My one & only son turns 15 in a couple of weeks. I really can't believe that A) he's already at that age and B) I'm old enough to HAVE a kid that age. After all, I'M still only 19, myself. With 21 years of experience.
  

That's about it for now. I will, however, go ahead & forewarn the few people who might stumble upon my blog & be kind enough to read that this month is going to be an extremely busy one for me. I can't guarantee any really good posts - or many posts at all, for that matter - but I do promise to do my best to check in as often as possible. Any and all prayers that anyone can offer up on my behalf that I basically just stay healthy & not catch the "creepin' crud" between now & the end of the month would be greatly appreciated - by both myself & the rest of my quartet. Our main goal this year is to get on stage, have fun & not embarrass ourselves or our chorus. If we can all stay healthy, I think we might actually be able to do it.

This concludes this broadcast of the Most Boring Blog Entry. Had this been an actual Blog Entry, you wouldn't be asleep right now.