Yeah - that's what I SHOULDa said . . .

Y'know how you say something that you think is really clever at the time & then go back & realize you SHOULD have said something else? That's the case with my recent meme.

First of all, I totally missed the four places I've lived. Not that anyone is probably interested, but four of the places I've lived are (in order from birth to now):

Slidell, Louisiana (my birthplace - what's left of it after Katrina)
Benton, Louisiana
Lafayette, Louisiana (one of the coolest towns on the planet)
Hurst, Texas (I wasn't born a Texan, but I got here as soon as I could)

Ok - now THAT's done . . . after reading Suzanne's meme (thanks, Suzanne, for playing along!!), I realized I missed one of my favorite movies EVER! Office Space!!! I can't help myself - I watch it every time it's on - if only to see the guy talk about his stapler. And the fact that I now have a job very much like those profiled in the movie doesn't depress me at ALL! No sir! (insert eye roll here)

As for other things I should have said - I was raised in the south. Southern women are taught from a very young age that we do NOT talk back - we hold our tongues & bitch about it to our friends privately later. So my list of "things I should have said" is quite lengthy. At times, however, I surprise myself (and the person I'm speaking to) and say exactly what's on my mind - which, I must say, is quite a liberating experience. This is one skill my sister has down pat, for which I greatly envy her. Alas, those moments for ME are few & far between.

For example - when the waiter at the hotel restaurant we recently visited came by after ignoring us for a good 45 minutes & asked, "Is everything alright?", what I SHOULD have said was, "Oh yeah - everything's great. I always WANTED to pay $8 for an eight piece order of mildly lukewarm calamari that came from the Mrs. Paul's freezer (who I didn't even know HAD calamari), served with a side of ketchup-infused mayo instead of the "sundried tomato aoli" I was promised in the menu. And the fact that I haven't had any water to drink in the last 20 minutes has been one of the many highlights I will share with anyone I meet when asked to describe the attributes of your establishment. I hope this $1 tip on our $16 tab is equally alright with YOU."

Or when my overbearing boss (a.k.a. Chicken Little - because, to her, the sky is always falling), upon leaving the office at 4:44 pm yesterday, asked my co-worker & I, "Think you two can hold down the fort for the rest of the day?", what I SHOULD have said was, "Gee - we have to be in charge for 16 WHOLE MINUTES?? I don't know - I'm not sure I can handle that kind of pressure. Are you certain that you trust US with that kind of responsibility? I mean, we are, after all, apparently too stupid to know how to do our jobs without copying you on every stinkin' email we ever send; and we obviously are unaware of how email works, either, since every time you send us one, you feel it necessary to shout out over the cubicles, "DID YOU GET THE EMAIL I JUST SENT?" or - even better - get UP & come look over our shoulders to make sure we GOT the damn thing. Nor are we aware of how to call anyone on our own, since immediately after asking us to "Call so & so", you pick up the phone & do that very thing. So hold down the fort? For 16 minutes?? No - you've made it abundantly clear that we CAN'T handle that."

Yes - on the 8th day, God created Southern women - and on the 9th day, He created the blogs that would enable them to vent their frustrations to the world, thus saving them thousands of dollars in therapy sessions.

And God was pleased.